A recent email I got from a client reminded me of a gender difference I consistently find among home-buying couples. Frequently, the wife is far more eager to buy a home than the husband.
I find that the wife is almost always one chapter ahead of her husband; or the husband is one chapter behind, depending on your perspective. Either way, they are not on the same page.
More often than not, the wife starts looking for homes a few months or a few weeks before the husband gives in to start looking. And even then, I frequently find that the husband doesn’t want to explore new homes and neighborhoods. He prefers to be shown a few homes that are the final candidates.
But, here is a crucial point: the men do become very excited about the final candidates. They spend a long time going over the homes and thinking about them. If they like a home, the husbands will become as invested as their wives about purchasing it.
In the end, when a couple finds a home that they both really love, they forget about the process and the timing and just focus on making an offer, getting through the home inspections, and learning about the neighborhood. This latter stage is embraced equally by both parties.
Buying a second or third home can be especially challenging. And, pressure is inherent to the process because most families plan to make their second or third home their forever home, i.e. the home in which they will raise their kids. The stakes are high. So, the fact that such a major decision has stress associated with it is not surprising.
I don’t find this gender difference to be a big problem. I do, however, know that it can be a source of tension for couples. So, it is helpful for couples to understand that it is normal.
I do wonder why women and men approach buying a home with such different timing and different styles. I know in my own case, my husband had to be dragged to look at homes. He didn’t enjoy visiting new homes or neighborhoods at all. But he loves the home we finally bought and is very emotionally invested in it now that we’re settled.
In our case, it was me who was more interested in buying a home. My wife was nervous about leaving Chicago. But, with most of my friends, it was more like what you described above. Good post.
–Mark
I love this article! I am so glad that we are not the only ones. I’ve been looking to move for over a year, and my husband is just now getting involved. And, finally, he seems to be getting excited about it. Maybe it’s the low interest rates!